Feeding Squirrels On My Way To Work

Friday, March 12, 2004

For those of you who have stumbled upon this blog, and have no idea who I am, the posts for the past three weeks must seem pretty cryptic. They have to be. This post is about to get even more cryptic. Pain Clinic BW23590.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

I spent a majority of yesterday afternoon contacting friends, etc., about the result of yesterday morning. The result was, well, no result. It was the third possibility. I continue to sit and wait. But yesterday morning felt very, very good to me. I feel that the non-result favored my side. It could have gone better - there was that one part I wish I'd handled better - but I think I did an outstanding job.

I called Kelly last night. I felt good, hearing her voice. She remarked that she was happy to hear me laugh again.

I had to drag myself out of bed this morning. For the past three weeks, it's been far too easy to wake up. I take this as a good sign that I finally got a good night's sleep.

I felt so good today, that it almost (almost) felt pointless to go to my therapist this morning.

I ate lunch today. I think that's a good sign. I'd gotten out of the habit three weeks ago.

Phillip found a quote for me today:

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.
-- Samuel Johnson

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

I was confident that this afternoon would be ruled in my favor. There was the realist in me that recognized that nothing is ever certain. It could be ruled against me.

I wasn't expecting the third possibility. I don't think anyone was. Nothing was ruled, one way or the other, but it was a good thing for me, over all. It continues, though.

Tomorrow morning is still vastly unknown. I don't think I've ever been in a position of knowing that my life as I know it will change tomorrow morning. My life always had the possibility of changing at any given moment, but the moment has never been so determined before, and I have made life-changing decisions before, but it's never been so out of my hands. One way or the other, my life with change tomorrow. There may be a third possibility, though.

I hope I can sleep tonight.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

I almost forgot this...

My 2004 tea/tisane log:

1. yerba maté, 1 January
2. genmaicha, 9 January
3. South African Rooibos (with honey crystals), 10 January
4. chamomile lemon herb, 15 January
5. Northwest blackberry, 17-19 January
6. lime herbal teasan, 6 February
7. aged Earl Grey, 17 February
8. black cherry tea (organic Ceylon tea with black cherry flavor), 5 March